Some comments from readers prompted me to question and challenge my paradigms of women and leadership. I spoke to some male friends on their perception of top female leaders and observed how some women in top leadership positions are regarded. I’ve watched in awe as our top female table-tennis athletes smashed their way to a silver Olympic medal and teared when they stood at the podium with our S’pore flag fluttering with pride alongside China’s. When our Prime Minister spoke about single Singaporean women in his Rally speech today, these questions popped into my mind:
What does the modern Asian woman really want? Is it career, love, family, fame or money? If we want it all, then which is more important? What should come first? Obviously, the answers will differ amongst different women in different Asian cultures. Some mainland Chinese women according to PM’s speech are more concerned about career success than a significant other. Some Singaporean women might share the same sentiments, whereas our Thai or Vietnamese counterparts might have a more contrasting viewpoint.
So what is the underlying factor in the differences? Education? It’s widely acknowledged that highly educated women will often marry late and prioritize careers over starting families. But is that really true? A colleague of mine, highly capable and a government scholar, gave up up her job to be a stay-home mum. She felt that she needed to spend quality time with her children. She’s not the only one who’s doing that for their families. Is this going to be a future trend of Singaporean mothers? Perhaps. Perhaps some modern women do want family over their careers, especially if the family’s income is stable. Perhaps some women are happy pursuing their passions and want to be financially free. There’s obviously nothing wrong with either choices. Perhaps, the modern Asian women are finally fitting into their preferred roles in society?
So what do we women want? As much as we all want it all, I firmly believe that it cannot be a solo effort. Look at Hillary Clinton. She embodied career and family (well, including a straying ex-President of a husband!) and had a good shot at Presidency, the epitome post of leadership. But what happened? There were snide comments about her dressing, wrinkles and honestly, nothing much about her achievements and brilliance. Sad to say, the women were her worst critics! Honestly, whats wrong with those American women? Sour grapes? Who knows? I digress! The point was, she was working with a team – her family and her election party.
In my opinion, if a woman truly wants it all, she’ll have to rope in her family to assist her. Even then, it’s a fine balance to thread. Chores like ironing, cooking or bathing the kids take up precious time that most women have outsourced to domestic helpers, but yet sometimes, essential for the woman to have her presence felt in this domestic arena. Also, would her husband be supportive of her long working hours and maybe her success overshadowing his? It all depends on the strength of the relationship. For the older, single women who chase success before love, they find it increasingly difficult to source for Mr Right as their pool of eligible men decreases with their increase in age (and wrinkles!).
So what is best? Finding a partner whose dreams and values are akin to yours and is willing to work together with you to achieve success (be it family and/or career) would be ideal. Alas, not all women are that fortunate. So most will have to choose.
What would be your choice? 
